Charity Canvassers at the door….

Dear those canvassing for charities at peoples doors, please fuck off. I do not trust anyone coming to my door with a laminated badge unless I have asked for them to be there. It’s very easy to make a laminated badge so if you don’t mind, I don’t need to be made to feel guilty for not handing over my personal details to you. I do care about a lot of causes, I just don’t care to divulge personal information to people I don’t know. 

Love from ‘voice in my head’ X 

School gate aversion……

I arrive at the school, bang on the fucking dot for when they open those gates. Is it because I’m super organised? Is it fuck! It’s because I make SURE I time my regime perfectly, to avoid ‘School’ mums. Not all of them of course, most drop of their children and go about their lives, these ones I don’t NEED to avoid. It is the ones who arrive a whole half an hour early (I shit you not) a whole fucking thirty minutes early, because theyre frightened of missing something! Frothing at the mouth for a bit of gossip (some of the fuckers literally which is another reason I avoid them) a tidbit about someones life, namely someone’s misfortune, so that they can take what appears to be delight from it.

Now I am sure a lot of you, from this passage would assume that I am antisocial, far from it, I LOVE to engage with people, I have just learned to engage with the right people and they are not found at the school gate at 8.20am nearly creaming themselves because someone’s relationship has broken down.

This particular rant had come about because I dropped my eldest child off early due to a school trip. These people were stood in the fucking RAIN bitching about other people! Do you have the little internal voice in your head? The one who dares to say all the things you can only fantasise of saying? Heres what mine was saying to these mothers.

“Excuse me? Hi there, I couldn’t help noticing that you and your poor shivering toddler were stood in the freezing cold and rain, just to satisfy your urge to fuckin buzz off other peoples misfortune, maybe I am closed minded? But I am freezing my arse clean off and I cannot imagine myself being stood here unless absolutely necessary. Your fucking language is shocking by the way, fucking disgrace! I know I can’t talk but I’m only a voice in someones head that thinks you’re a cunt, infact I’m not even offended by your profanity I like swearing, I am offended by your lust and need to lord it over people and never have a good word to say about your friends and family, when you’re a bad bellend yourself.”

This is said unto no one in particular, but it’s the type of thing that goes through my head every now and then.

(Just incase anyone gets onto who I am) haha 🙂