Facebook wankers!

Are you a Facebook wanker? If you post continual statuses such as……

“:-(((((” 

“Feeling meh” 

“I have a cold :-(((((” 

“omg I’m so stresseddddd” 

“well you know who your real friends are, some people are never there when you need them. Blah fucking blahhhhh” 

 

Just please quit this if you do this, if you have a bad day, phone your mum, a good friend, anyone!!! It you look like a tool online and people will actually get fed up of reading your whinging! obviously everyone does this from time to time, but it is when it is multiple times a day! It really does grate on me to the extent that I don’t use the site as much. 

Possibly the worst one for me is people constantly whining about minor ailments! such as a fucking cold! Maybe this is because recently one of my dearest friends, had to nurse their younger brother through cancer, at a young age, it took hold very quickly and sadly he recently passed away, only in his early thirties 😦 fucking prime of his life. So when all the whinging bitch ass whiners pipe up about a cold the voice inside my head goes wild! I had to log off Facebook so many times to stop it. 

That’s all really recently, I’ve been happy of late 😀 only thing pissing me right off out of the fucking window, is stupid Facebook fucks! 

one more thing to add!!! It actually makes me smile inside when a :-((((( very sad face, or a :-/ meh face, goes unanswered all day without a single “what’s wrong?” or a mere like! I’m such a bitch in my little head, I do genuinely like some of these people, I feel like shaking them and saying “Do you realise that online, you come across as kind of a dick?” But, as I am honest, some things shouldn’t be said in the name of tact. 

 

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Wanting to slap a pensioner (grocery shopping annoyance)

Choosing cordial with my daughter. Old guy must have been listening to us as we shopped.

Daughter: “Can I choose the flavour?”

Me: “Of course darling”

*She chooses apple, the majority of which got poured away last week, so they mustn’t have enjoyed it too much*

Me: “Oh hang on, that got wasted last time choose another kind….”

Elderly parenting guru wannabe “Why give the child a choice if you are going to choose the juice for her?”

What I said next:  “Excuse me but that is none of your business, the juice she chose got wasted the last time and I don’t believe in waste, thankyou goodbye”

I was polite because I was taught to respect my elders…..

Now….

What the voice in my head was saying…….

“Are you for fucking real??? Do you purposefully follow parents in grocery shops, and spring out from behind shelves to dispense pearls of your wisdom? For your information I didn’t choose for her, I guided her, reminded her that maybe the apple juice isn’t a good choice because they didn’t drink it the last time. Why oh why, do you want me to waste juice?!?!? You oldies usually freak out about us younger wasteful generations, you cunthook! Be off with you… Shoo…before I force the juice up your arse, closely followed by your unwanted and unnecessary criticism.”

Before anyone starts on about me bashing the elderly, my inner voice discriminates no one. If you act like a tool, inner voice will tell you so regardless of race, age, social status, gender, sexuality.

Gross beyond measure…..

Why do young men think it makes them look hard to spit in the street ?  It doesn’t it makes you look like a twat. Does it hail back to some form of primitive ‘display of prowess’? Who knows but most likely we have evolved beyond it so fucking stop it.

While on the subject of pond life, may I mention tossers who sit at the front of buses, instead of leaving those spaces free for the elderly or disabled, like the sign says, or even worse, people who don’t give up their seat for a pregnant or elderly passenger.  Fucking stop it, you’re not above anyone else and it makes you look like a massive dickhead.

Also… While I’m here, people who walk three abreast and force people off pavements ! No! Just fucking NO! I would love to punch one of these wanks actually off the pavement, but I would never do that, because I was brought up with a bit of common decency. You fucks!

love from voice in my head x

Charity Canvassers at the door….

Dear those canvassing for charities at peoples doors, please fuck off. I do not trust anyone coming to my door with a laminated badge unless I have asked for them to be there. It’s very easy to make a laminated badge so if you don’t mind, I don’t need to be made to feel guilty for not handing over my personal details to you. I do care about a lot of causes, I just don’t care to divulge personal information to people I don’t know. 

Love from ‘voice in my head’ X 

School gate aversion……

I arrive at the school, bang on the fucking dot for when they open those gates. Is it because I’m super organised? Is it fuck! It’s because I make SURE I time my regime perfectly, to avoid ‘School’ mums. Not all of them of course, most drop of their children and go about their lives, these ones I don’t NEED to avoid. It is the ones who arrive a whole half an hour early (I shit you not) a whole fucking thirty minutes early, because theyre frightened of missing something! Frothing at the mouth for a bit of gossip (some of the fuckers literally which is another reason I avoid them) a tidbit about someones life, namely someone’s misfortune, so that they can take what appears to be delight from it.

Now I am sure a lot of you, from this passage would assume that I am antisocial, far from it, I LOVE to engage with people, I have just learned to engage with the right people and they are not found at the school gate at 8.20am nearly creaming themselves because someone’s relationship has broken down.

This particular rant had come about because I dropped my eldest child off early due to a school trip. These people were stood in the fucking RAIN bitching about other people! Do you have the little internal voice in your head? The one who dares to say all the things you can only fantasise of saying? Heres what mine was saying to these mothers.

“Excuse me? Hi there, I couldn’t help noticing that you and your poor shivering toddler were stood in the freezing cold and rain, just to satisfy your urge to fuckin buzz off other peoples misfortune, maybe I am closed minded? But I am freezing my arse clean off and I cannot imagine myself being stood here unless absolutely necessary. Your fucking language is shocking by the way, fucking disgrace! I know I can’t talk but I’m only a voice in someones head that thinks you’re a cunt, infact I’m not even offended by your profanity I like swearing, I am offended by your lust and need to lord it over people and never have a good word to say about your friends and family, when you’re a bad bellend yourself.”

This is said unto no one in particular, but it’s the type of thing that goes through my head every now and then.

(Just incase anyone gets onto who I am) haha 🙂

Why did I begin this blog….

I started this blog, probably because I feel as though I am becoming a female version of Victor Meldrew before my time. (People not from the UK or those of you who are too young will have to google)  I am a married thirty something mother of two, never really held down the education thing, fell in love young, had children young, had crappy part time supermarket jobs, until a few years ago when I became a full time housewife.

Its basically me ranting about whatever gripes me. The minute I feel the little vein in my forehead throbbing I am going to pick up the iPad and type, like a form of therapy if you will. Expect a lot of swearing, especially now as I have given up smoking (almost five whole nicotine starved months)

i don’t really care if people enjoy reading it or not, I’d be chuffed if they did of course but it really is just me putting two fingers up at the fucking unjust, shitty things that peeve me off.

Please remember that I didn’t think up any of it, it’s all from the little voice in my head 😉

mom ( mother on mish) mission for those not from the north west UK x